WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My ass is underappreciated
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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