listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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