I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
handjob tips. give me some.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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