How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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