I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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