is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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