You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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