not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
