sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
