how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
