Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
