He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
