Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
