DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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