you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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