Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
