Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
