i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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