Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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