And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
