I heard we made out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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