fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
