I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
