I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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