I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
