this just has baby written all over it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
