Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
