I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
