She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
