U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
