now i know why i became what i already was.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
