Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
