I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
