Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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