yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
