our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
