I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
