You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
