my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
