nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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