You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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