I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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