What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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