Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
