We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
