now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
