Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
