A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
