There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
