that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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