I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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